Back in the Game!

My Pity Party is over.  The thing is, it was all self induced and so easy to break out of.  I was feeling sorry for myself when really, I should have just reminded myself why I started all of this in the first place.

Anyhow, my hubby had a minor surgery on Friday to ensure that there were no more “surprises” in the baby department, but you would of thought that he went through three 12 hour labors and pushed out a few kids by the way he was acting.  He stayed in bed for 2 full days asking me to wait on him hand and foot up his a$$!  

After my post on Saturday I worked to get baby T to nap and then I told hubby that I was going out for a ride on my bike and that I’d have my cell phone with me if baby T woke up.  I decided I’d try my new clip-less, clip on shoes/pedals.  (I’ve read WHY they are called clip-less, I get it, but it’s still stupid!!!) 

I hopped on my bike and took off in the beautiful sun.  The wind was a bit stronger than I thought it would be, but I managed to keep a decent pace (for me) and returned home after 49 minutes and having ridden 12.5 miles.  I checked on lazyman hubby and the girls who were watching a movie with him in bed.  Baby T was still sleeping so I changed shoes and headed down to the mill for a solid 3.1 miles to finish a good brick.

Yay!  RUT over, no more pity party, feeling better.  I’ve stuck to my diet for 3 days straight, had some great work outs- including a good 6 mile run yesterday (on the mill- it was pouring Memorial Day rain!)  I’ve lost a few more pounds to be my lowest ever in my adult life- 156.8!  Wooooo.

What else has happened this last week?  I have watched hours and hours of youtube videos of Ironman events.  No, not the dude in the red and gold indestructible suit…  IRONMAN, the cool, crazy, endurance sport!   I have declared that I WILL finish an ironman someday. I say someday because I know I will need a LOT more time to train and with 3 young kids, it just won’t happen now.  I’m thinking:

140.6 at 40!  That’s 140.6 miles when I turn 40 years old- 8 years away.  I figure in 8 years, my youngest will be 9 and mostly self-sufficient and my oldest will be 15 and she can help watch the younger two.  Sounds like a plan- a VERY crazy plan.  But if you know me at all, you know that when I have my mind set on something, I will get there come hell or high water!!!

So before I have even completed my first tri, I’ve fallen in love with the sport and the endurance part.  I’ve never been good at being FAST, but I can be good at never giving up!  Even when things suck- like my last post- I drag myself out of it and move forward.

What really motivated me???  Someone, somewhere, posted the following:

It made me MAD!  Really?  The sign is just something a runner posts because they obviously have never tried to do 3 sports in a row.  Yes, maybe I’m just “average” at three sports (or decent at one and can labor through the rest by repeating, “I will not die.”) but what I plan to be GREAT at is the sport of endurance!  I also read in Chrissie Wellington’s book a line that says something like, “a Marathon is just the little thing you do at the END of a triathlon.”  SO THERE mean and rude runner who posted that…  I TRI everything else and the do a measly little marathon at the end!

Or…. Maybe I should just whisper that since I haven't actually done one yet!  J  Some day!

Just Not Feeling IT

I wish I has something special to say or something really great to report.  The truth is, I'm a bit down and feeling out.  These last few days I feel like I have a reservation for Pity- Party of 1.  I need to snap out of it a move forward.  While I hate having a Debbie Downer post for those that do follow me, I remembered WHY I started this blog.  My blog is just that- MINE.  Waaaaayyy back when I stated I got a few rude comments about the fact that my blog had no focus.  My posts weren't always about running or my posts weren't all about my weight loss or gain, my posts were never on the same topic.  One person told me I'd never keep readers if I wasn't focused.  I never responded to that person, but what I wanted to say was, "SO WHAT!"  So what.  This blog is for ME.  I started this blog to express my feelings about life because I felt like writing was one way for me to reflect on all things ME.  Sometimes I just needed to vent without bringing my family into it.  Sometimes I need to boast and be proud of what I have accomplished without making other in my life feel like all I do is talk about myself.  My blog is just that- My Blog.  This is the real me and this is my place to let it all out.  This is my therapy.

So why do I feel lost?  Why is it that I'm needing to have a pity party?  I just don't know.  I have gone off my diet.  I gained about 5 pounds (though I know those are the easy pounds to lose- bloat and water retention.) and I just can't seem to find my exercise groove.  I have gone on a few runs and each time I have a plan and I get a mile or two into the run and all I want to do is quit because it hurts or I feel sick.

For the last 3 days I have started the day "on" my diet and with an exercise plan.  Each day I slowly lost the mojo to keep going and then started eating everything I could find.  TODAY will be different.  I need for it to be different.  I feel like writing it out here will help me to make it different.

Today I will find time to get my bike outside and ride.  Yesterday I did get a 4 mile run in.  It was hard and it hurt, but I did it.  Today I want to ride and run.  Tomorrow I want to run and ride some more.  I can't swim this weekend because the pool is closed, but darn it, I will do something!!!  My husband had surgery yesterday and I can't leave the kids alone with him so it's going to be hard.  I have to wait until little one is sleeping, but I WILL make it work.

I have 3 weeks until my first TRI.  I must get my butt in gear!  I don't know what my deal is, but I have to get out of this funk!  Anyone else get into a funk and find some way to snap themselves out of it??  I need some motivation.

PARTY OVER- Time to WORK!

My New Toy

Since the Glass City Half is over, I've been slacking slightly.   I have tried to do something exercise worthy a few days a week, but the motivation is just not there.  I have even slipped on my diet.  I vow to get back to it.....tomorrow.  I keep saying tomorrow and then something happens and I get off track.  TOMORROW for sure.

WHY tomorrow??  Because I just looked at my summer calendar and realized that I have exactly 29 days until my first sprint tri!!  I signed up for the Maumee Bay Sprint Tri.

Thankfully, it's on an inland lake and not Lake Erie (I'm not sure I'm ready for choppy waves yet!)

I've been running and swimming.  I even had my cheapo bike on my trainer in my basement and I've been doing some miles on it.  I have been wanting a road bike for awhile, but I hated parting with so much money.  I know I may not stick with Tris, but I do know that I will always use biking as a good cross training activity.  I watched Craigslist for awhile and then I just decided to put an ad up with what I was looking for.

I had a lot of people contact me (which really surprised me) and I eventually saw one that would work for me.  Last Saturday I met the guy and got my NEW (to me!) bike- a TREK 1220 with some updated parts.

Isn't it pretty?  Except, I really need to have someone help me adjust it because I'm just not feeling comfortable with the fit yet.  I don't really want to pay for that, so I've been watching videos and trying to adjust it myself.  I am also not used to riding a road bike yet and I need to practice with it.  

I bought clipless pedals that also have a flat side to ride without clip shoes because I'm just not sure I'm ready for the clipless pedals/shoes yet.  I think I may do Tri #1 with regular shoes and pedals.  Too much NEW to me stuff to do all at once.

4 weeks....4weeks...4 weeks.  I better get moving huh?  

Reflections

The last fews days have provided some great reflections for me.

Warning.... lots of sappy thoughts to follow.....

Work has been a total blur for me these last few weeks.  Generally the end of the school year allows me to slow down because teachers get busy with end of the year "stuff" and I just sort of become a distant thought for most of them. This year has been non-stop meetings and craziness for me.  I don't see an end in sight.

I spend my nights working and my days trying to get to my work between meetings.

With all of that in mind, I still really push myself to find time to exercise because I don't want to give all of that up.  I feel great and I enjoy the 30-60 minutes I get to myself.  I started to think recently about how I was just a year or two ago.  I was inactive, I was very overweight (in fact, I fit into the obese category on the BMI chart), I was unhappy, and I was miserable.

Flash forward.....

Recently I saw an add for a program called 26strong by Saucony.  The contest said that they would choose 26 people who wanted to run their very first marathon and pair them with 26 coaches/mentors who would help them train physically and mentally.  I signed up thinking that my "story" would never be good enough.

The truth is, my story IS good enough.  It's good enough for me.  I was miserable and then I watched as my friend and co-worker slowly lost her 9 year old daughter to Leukemia.  I can remember the day she was diagnosed and we all had hope for a great outcome from treatment.  Then the set backs started happening.  She relapsed- not once, but twice.  Our community never gave up on her.  BUT most importantly, she (Maddy), never gave up on herself.  She was 9 and yet she had lived more in those 9 years that I had my entire life.  She smiled, she danced, and she LOVED her life.  Maybe she knew and maybe she didn't, but she lived each day as if it were her last.  She was a beautiful little girl who didn't let anybody know that she was facing death.  If it weren't for her shiny bald head, you'd never know she was sick most days because she NEVER let a day go by without enjoying something about it.

So why, WHY did I feel as if I was entitled to the pity I was showing myself?  I hated myself, I hated life.  WHY?  I couldn't answer that.  I wasn't sick, I wasn't dying, I wasn't entitled to pity and yet I took it when that 9 year old little girl deserved to feel pitied and she REFUSED to accept it.

During the last few weeks as Maddy was fighting we all cried for her, but not because SHE wanted us to cry.  I cried almost every day and begged the Lord to tell me why she had to leave us...surely he saw that she had more to give this life.

It was after one of those begging session that I stopped to think, "Why am I begging the Lord to allow this little girl to continue to live her worthy life when I don't even accept and care for the life He gave to ME?"

Whoa......

And so, I began to start thinking of myself and taking care of myself.  I knew that I needed to live with no regrets and to do those things that made me feel happy and challenged.

So here I am.  Am I selfish?  I am sure you could say that I am, but I really feel as if I need to take care of myself to be a better person.  Maddy taught me to refuse to accept pity from myself and from others and to live each and every day with no regrets.

I was emailed by Saucony 26strong today to tell me that I am a finalist to be one of their 26 first time Marathoners... My story IS good enough.  It's MY story and I am strong.  If I end up being chosen, I want others to know that it's ok to believe that you are WORTHY of this life.

I. am. WORTHY.