The last fews days have provided some great reflections for me.
Warning.... lots of sappy thoughts to follow.....
Work has been a total blur for me these last few weeks. Generally the end of the school year allows me to slow down because teachers get busy with end of the year "stuff" and I just sort of become a distant thought for most of them. This year has been non-stop meetings and craziness for me. I don't see an end in sight.
I spend my nights working and my days trying to get to my work between meetings.
With all of that in mind, I still really push myself to find time to exercise because I don't want to give all of that up. I feel great and I enjoy the 30-60 minutes I get to myself. I started to think recently about how I was just a year or two ago. I was inactive, I was very overweight (in fact, I fit into the obese category on the BMI chart), I was unhappy, and I was miserable.
Recently I saw an add for a program called 26strong by Saucony. The contest said that they would choose 26 people who wanted to run their very first marathon and pair them with 26 coaches/mentors who would help them train physically and mentally. I signed up thinking that my "story" would never be good enough.
The truth is, my story IS good enough. It's good enough for me. I was miserable and then I watched as my friend and co-worker slowly lost her 9 year old daughter to Leukemia. I can remember the day she was diagnosed and we all had hope for a great outcome from treatment. Then the set backs started happening. She relapsed- not once, but twice. Our community never gave up on her. BUT most importantly, she (Maddy), never gave up on herself. She was 9 and yet she had lived more in those 9 years that I had my entire life. She smiled, she danced, and she LOVED her life. Maybe she knew and maybe she didn't, but she lived each day as if it were her last. She was a beautiful little girl who didn't let anybody know that she was facing death. If it weren't for her shiny bald head, you'd never know she was sick most days because she NEVER let a day go by without enjoying something about it.
So why, WHY did I feel as if I was entitled to the pity I was showing myself? I hated myself, I hated life. WHY? I couldn't answer that. I wasn't sick, I wasn't dying, I wasn't entitled to pity and yet I took it when that 9 year old little girl deserved to feel pitied and she REFUSED to accept it.
During the last few weeks as Maddy was fighting we all cried for her, but not because SHE wanted us to cry. I cried almost every day and begged the Lord to tell me why she had to leave us...surely he saw that she had more to give this life.
It was after one of those begging session that I stopped to think, "Why am I begging the Lord to allow this little girl to continue to live her worthy life when I don't even accept and care for the life He gave to ME?"
And so, I began to start thinking of myself and taking care of myself. I knew that I needed to live with no regrets and to do those things that made me feel happy and challenged.
So here I am. Am I selfish? I am sure you could say that I am, but I really feel as if I need to take care of myself to be a better person. Maddy taught me to refuse to accept pity from myself and from others and to live each and every day with no regrets.
I was emailed by Saucony 26strong today to tell me that I am a finalist to be one of their 26 first time Marathoners... My story IS good enough. It's MY story and I am strong. If I end up being chosen, I want others to know that it's ok to believe that you are WORTHY of this life.
I. am. WORTHY.