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Sunday, October 6, 2013

Dear Swimmer Dude PART II

Ah, yes.... the swimmer dude returns.  I didn't think this story could get any worse.

Until it did.  

This morning my alarm went off for my Sunday morning swim.  I like swimming on Sunday mornings because the pool is generally pretty empty.  This morning was no different.  When I got there, the two usual guys had just pulled in- the guy who runs weekend adult lap swim and another guy that is always there.  I won't make fun of them because they could both smoke me in the pool.  The are both at LEAST 60 and great swimmers.  

I got in and started my sets and then another person jumped in.... dun dun dunnnnnn... it was annoying macho swimmer dude.  This is the first time I have ever seen him during the Sunday lap swim.  I just kept swimming hoping that he would decide it would be much cooler to win against the older dudes than the lonely woman.  

There I am, swimming along deep in my own thoughts, lap after lap.  All of a sudden I feel someone touch my shoulder as I'm about to push off the wall.  Holy Crap!  It scared me so much that I practically choked on water as I stood up.  There were only 3 other people in the pool, NO ONE should be close enough to touch me.

I come face to face with A.M.S.D.   

The conversation goes something like this:

AMSD: "Hey, you know you only push off the wall with one foot, you'd go much father if you pushed with both."

Me: "Yeah- I know, but I have some issues with my foot and I'm trying to heal it."

AMSD ignores almost my whole sentence explaining why I only push with one foot because he is diving to the wall to SHOW me how to push off with both feet.

He comes back up after streamlining for an unreasonable distance and sprints back toward me.

AMSD: "See how far I went?  You need to do that."

Me: "I know, but I hurt my foot and I'm not supposed to put weight on it. "  

AMSD: "Huh?"

Me: "The doctor told me to not push off the wall because that will interrupt the healing process."

AMSD: "Oh, well, you are wasting your energy by having to do more strokes."

And AMSD swims off at the fastest pace he can muster.

I sigh a huge sigh of relief thinking I'm finally able to get back to my swimming.  

I do a few more laps and AMSD strikes AGAIN!
Once again I'm jolted to a stop by someone touching my arm.  At this point I'm not exactly ready to hear his voice again so when I come out of the water I mutter, "WHAT?"

AMSD: "Even with a one foot push off, you don't glide very far."

Me: "I don't care about gliding off the wall because I don't race in the pool, I do triathlons and they are in open water, where there are no walls."

AMSD: "Isn't a triathlon a track and field event?"

I can't make this stuff up!!!!

Me: "No, that's a decathlon.  Triathlons are swimming, biking, and running."

AMSD: "Oh, well that doesn't sound very hard...

I start to say something, but quite honestly I'm not sure what to say to his opinion.  

AMSD: "Well, I'm sure I'll see you around."

He hops out of the pool and starts to do lunges to the locker room.  


Any time this guy is on the pool deck he does lunges as he moves forward rather than walking.  I promised a twitter follower that I'd get a picture of him next time and I WILL take a picture of him lunging around the deck.  I secretly wonder if he goes grocery shopping and does lunges through the aisles while he gets his food. 

I kept swimming long after he had gone and the whole time I wondered to myself why these things always happen to me.  

I'm not trying to be mean... I swear.  The guy is obviously very fit and works out.  It just amazes me that he felt the need to tell me what I was doing wrong.  I appreciate that he wanted to help me, I do.  Maybe he knows something about running or biking?  If someone would ride up next to me on the bike and offer me hints to increase my power, I'd be all for it.  


  1. Wow. That is really brave! I would have kicked him "accidentally" lol

  2. Oh. Em. Gee. That is hilarious. But also, I would be so annoyed. As my foot is still not run-ready, I know I've always not been so...gracious...every single time someone tells me what I can do to make it better. Heh. :-/ I also figure people are trying to be helpful but it's really just not. So not.

  3. Are you freaking kidding me?! that is ape.

  4. Love this! I get to swim with these old geezer men..totally crazy walking in the pool men!

  5. OOOOMMMGGGG!!! After reading part one and this and I can not believe the nerves of him!!! On the "one length racers" ANNOY ME!!! I can tell what they are doing while I am swimming 2500 yards straight. Just ignore him and his shannigans