Binge, Horrible Binge

So, I have been doing well for the most part.  I've been eating within 100 of my calorie count and I have done some sort of exercise every day.  Monday I walked 3.2 miles and ran 3.2 miles.  Tuesday I swam for an hour.  I weigh myself every day and I know some of you may think (or choose to tell me) that doing so is counterproductive.  I really can honestly say that no matter what you say, I will weigh every single day.  In fact, it's the first thing I think of when I wake up.  For the most part, I am excited to weigh myself because I love seeing the number go down.  When I work my butt off, I expect the numbers to be going down.

For the last 3 days, I have been working my butt off and eating well.  Each morning I have weighed myself and I have gained or stayed the same.  It's so frustrating.  I know all of the RIGHT things to tell myself.  I know weight can fluctuate within a few pounds for very little reason.  I know that sodium can make a difference, I know, I know, I know.  I just get so mad when I know I've done everything in my power to lose.   yesterday I had 4 cookies that I should have had because I just got to the end of the day and I was frustrated.  Then today.... well, I threw everything out the window.  I just decided that I couldn't do it another day.  I had.....

And probably a lot more.  At work today they had a dessert bar in the lounge for a teacher who just had a baby and I just ate and ate and ate.  Then when I got home, I ate an entire bag of mozzarella cheese sticks.  

I. Feel. Sick.

I MUST remember this feeling when I consider making this same decision next time.  I feel sick to my stomach.  I feel like throwing up everything I ate.  I don't know why I couldn't control myself.  I don't know why I did this to myself.  

Tomorrow is a NEW day.  Tonight I am done.  I'm done eating and I'm done making bad choices and I am moving forward.

I did manage to exercise for 45 minutes tonight.  I was going to run tonight, but I feel physically sick from eating, so I don't think I can.  I'm so mad at myself.  I will not do this again!!!

A Pintresting Day

Today was a full day.  Everyone in my family had today off for MLK Jr. Day.  It was nice to have an additional day off together since we don't often have a lot of time together during the week.

I spent the morning cleaning our master bathroom.  Some day when we win the lottery have the money, we'd like to renovate our master bath.  The fixtures are those cheap brass/gold colored ones that peel and chip as they get older.  I researched on the web pintrest for ideas of how I could make them look nicer.  I decided to buy rustoleum spray and try to make them look like new again, but with a different color!  I wish I had take a before and an after (which I guess I could still do!) but I really only remembered to get a during because I was so proud of how I accomplished the spraying without getting everything in the bathroom!  I'm sure pros would laugh, but hey, it worked!

Then, after cleaning and refinishing, I spent some time looking for low-calorie desserts and happened upon the "Skinny Brownie" on pintrest that led me to this sight:  Sally's Baking Addiction.  I made sure to add all of the things I needed to my afternoon grocery list.  I followed the instructions for the most part, but did use less of some ingredients.  Here is the final product:

They were pretty good.  I was hoping for more of a dry brownie texture, but they are more like a solid chocolate pudding.  Still good.  The way I figured my ingredients, they should be about 75-80 calories each.  Considering real brownies are much, much more, I say it's a WIN.

Unfortunately, when browsing pintrest, my husband happened to see a pin for Peanut Butter Nutella Cookies.  I hate Nutella (I know, I know!) and I was grossed out just thinking of cookies made with Nutella, but since I was making skinny brownies for myself, I promised to make the Nutella cookies.  Here is our finished product of those:

Thankfully, I hate Nutella because these are about 6 gazillion calories each.  They contain lots of sugar, eggs, flour, peanut butter, and of course, NUTELLA.  Blah!  My hubby and all three kids LOVED them though.

So, there you have it!  All three projects today came from Pintrest and they were all fairly successful.  It has been a really pintresting day.

Oh, yeah, my exercise- I walked for 50 minutes around the church halls while oldest had cheer practice.  I made maybe 3 miles?  Too bad I'm feeling slightly ill right now and I'm hoping I'm not getting the flu...  there is no cure for that on Pintrest....or is there???

Closed?!

*** I'm super angry right now because I wrote a long blog post and was about to publish it and then blogger shut down and I lost it all!  Grrrrr....

I got up early on my day off to head to the pool.  I hate getting up early, but if there is any reason for me to get up extra early on a day off, I'm glad it's for swimming.  I was up and out of bed by 7:30am.  (not super early, but early for a day off!!) and in my car by 7:45am.  I got to the school a bit early so I wasn't alarmed that the door was still locked.  Three other cars showed up and we waited, and waited, and waited for the pool manager to show up.

No one ever showed up.  I was disappointed and a little angry.  I got up early, wasted gas, and wasted time and no one was there to open the pool.  Slowly the other cars left and I was the last one.  I waited for 30 minutes and no one ever came.  It's so frustrating when you have something you plan to do in your mind and then it doesn't happen.

All the why home I struggled with my internal dialogue.  I hadn't showered the night before since I knew I would shower after my swim but before church.  If I chose not to workout this morning, I would have to take two showers today- one before church and one after my workout later.  Who's to say I would even have motivation to workout later in the day?  I really needed to work out this morning if I planned to get anything in.

I got home and made a date with Jillian.  (30 minute date!)

I managed to get through it and more importantly I made it all the way through a whole minute of bicycle crunches at the end.  Usually I have to take a break in the middle of it.  I pushed hard to get through the minute.   In the end, I'm glad I just sucked it up and got my workout over with before church.

Not much else to share with everyone.  The rest of the day consisted of grocery shopping and cleaning our house!

I do have one picture to share.... my son when he doesn't get more of something he wants IMMEDIATELY!   He is so impatient.  I wanted to take a cute picture of him eating, but he was worried about how soon he would get his next bite of cookie!

I felt like this in the morning when I couldn't get into the pool!!!  

Have you ever had your exercise plans fall through and how did you convince yourself to to do a different workout?

A Red Hot Unhealthy Obsession!

Tonight was a bit busy!  I'm so glad to be home and almost ready for bed.  Work, then 2nd job (after school program co-odinator), then my oldest had dance, and then I planned to go to lap swim.  Whew!  I'm tired.

While my oldest was in dance class, I walked around the halls of the church for about 1.5 miles in 25 minutes.  I took her home and then got ready to swim.  I did 80 total laps (2,000 yds) in 50 minutes.  I'm now in Pj's.

However, I had to eat dinner first....

I couldn't wait to add Frank's Red Hot to my meal to warm me up.

 Last night I put it on my chicken fajitas that were in a warp.  I love spicy chicken!

 Tonight I added it to my bagel thins that had a very small amount of cheese on them.  I would have put more FRH, but sometime I think the sodium is what keeps me from losing weight.  Don't these look delicious?????

I am a Frank's Red Hot-holic.  YUM!  I love spicy.

Tomorrow is FRIDAY!  It is my "short" day in that I leave at 7am and will be back home by 5pm.  I'm so excited to be driving home during daylight hours.

Saturday my oldest has a cheer game...

...and then we have to take my van to the dealership to see about trading in our lease for a new one.  We are getting close to the end of the 3-year deal.

Yay for the weekend coming up soon!

Do you have an unhealthy obsession with a strange food?

Day 16 and PROUD!

Can I just say that I am SO PROUD of myself!

My resolution this year was to be active every single day and I have done just that.  It has been a struggle some nights and I do have to work hard to not feel guilty about missing time with my kids some night and other days I have to work hard to exercise at a different time so that I can spend time with my kids and husband.  Hard work pays off though.  I've lost 9 pounds in 16 days and my clothes fit amazingly well.... or not.  They are too loose already in some places.  What a great realization!

Last night I was feeling really guilty because I had planned to go to lap swim from 8-9pm.  This is during the time that we are normally putting our kids to bed.  My husband was ok with it, but I just felt horrible.  However, when I got home I was irritated with everything my kids did and I was struggling to be a good mommy.  It made me feel even worse to think that I was going to leave to do something for myself.  It was then that I suddenly realized that exercise was exactly what I needed.  I need to do me.  I needed to relax and calm myself down.  Exercise is what I need for ME so that I can be a good mommy.  I went to lap swim, came home, and felt MUCH better.  While my kids might not appreciate it while it's happening, they will eventually enjoy a much better mommy!   I'm sure my husband will appreciate a less irritated me as well!  He's been so supportive of my exercise.  I leave him with the kids A LOT!  Thanks honey!

So here is what I have done each day:

Jan 1- 1.5 mile bike, 2 mile run
Jan 2- 2.5 mile run
Jan 3- strength training
Jan 4- 3.05 mile run
Jan 5- .33 mile swim
Jan 6- 4 mile run
Jan 7- strength training
Jan 8- 2 mile walk, 4 mile bike
Jan 9- 30 minute cardio DVD
Jan 10- 2 mile run, 3 mile bike
Jan 11- 3 mile bike
Jan 12- 3.5 mile run
Jan 13- .85 mile swim
Jan 14- 2 mile run, 3.2 mile bike
Jan 15- 1.14 mile swim

Wooooo hoooo!!  I feel great and I love exercising.  However, I do need to look at how to allow my body to rest.  I want to keep my resolution, so I just need to allow myself a "low-impact" day of exercise.  Instead of running, I need to pick one day a week and just walk as my exercise.  Walking is still exercise, but it will allow my body to relax and have some time to restore itself.

Today is day 16 and I am moving forward!

Hello Kitty Cake Pops and Losing Weight?

So, yesterday was my birthday.  Yay!  (insert sarcasm)

Yesterday was also the day that my oldest celebrated her 1/2 birthday at school.  Her real birthday is on July 1st.  Since she can't bring in treats on her full birthday, she is supposed to celebrate on her 1/2 birthday.  Unfortunately, her 1/2 falls on January 1st!  She got to pick any day she wanted to celebrate, so she chose my birthday so we could celebrate together.

Enter the HELLO KITTY CAKE POPS!

I'm pretty darn proud of how they came out.  The whiskers are the only things that really didn't look great, but I think I did well on all other parts considering I've never made cake pops before practicing the HK pop!

I need to brag about my sweet kid too.... the teacher let her pick someone to help hand out treats to her class and then someone else to take them around to other teachers (gym, music, etc.)  She picked two little boys that I had never heard her talk about before.  I asked her later why she chose I. and C. and she said, "Well, I feel bad for I. because no one ever picks him and he is so nice.  I picked C. because he was the only one sitting quietly and raising his hand.  Everyone else was getting in my face and begging me to pick them.  He was being good."  WOW!  Now, if only adults could be so kind.  I'm so proud of her.

Last night we went to the visitation for my friend's daughter.  How sad :(  No one should ever have to lose a child for any reason.  CANCER SUCKS.

Today my oldest had dance class and then I needed to buy groceries.  We didn't get home until 8:45pm.  Thus, my run was cut short- 2 miles.  Better than nothing.

I'm down 8 pounds from January 1st.  WOOOO HOOOO  I'm doing well with staying on track.  A.C.E. Helps me so much.  I'll write a post on it soon.  LOVE IT.

Tomorrow- funeral
Saturday- Oldest's Cheer/Game, then public memorial
Sunday- Who knows....maybe lap swim in the AM.

Night ALL!

Angels Among Us

These last few days have been extremely hard, so I'm just going to try to summarize everything and then move on the best I can.  Last Friday was my Grandma's funeral.  While she was ready for God to walk with her in heaven, it's never easy to lose someone you love.  The night before, while I was at her visitation, I received the news that a church member whom I had numerous grad classes with and who is a fellow school administrator had passed away from injuries he sustained in a car accident the day after Christmas.  I attended his visitation last night.  Just this morning, a close co-worker and another administrator lost her daughter after a 3 year battle with Leukemia.  The school day was just.... numb.  That's the only word I could think of for it.  I'm numb.  I cry and mourn for the family, but I just know that their daughter is up there dancing with angels and free of the pain and the frustration she endured for so long.  There are certainly beautiful angels up in Heaven watching over us.

-----

So to catch you up, I'm now on day 8 of the new "me" and doing pretty well.  I'm down from 190 to 184.8.  I've kept my resolution of being active every day so far.  I started taking A.C.E. on the 5th and it has helped me tremendously with my food cravings.  I honestly don't even think about eating and I don't really crave any foods.  I drink a lot more water because it does make you thirsty and I have managed to crave water and thus, I have cut my diet Pepsi consumption down from 10 cans a day to usually only 1!  I'm amazed.

I did promise pictures....

On Saturday morning I got up to try out swimming for the first time in a long time!  The local HS has a pool and usually has adult lap swim.  I was in the car at 7:45, but had to turn back because I forgot....

Once I went back home and picked these up off the table I left them at, I was one my way!

I got there and it was...

EMPTY!

I saw the coach in his office so I went to ask him if there really was adult lap swim and he said no, the guy who is in charge is out of town.  BUT he was there and didn't care if I got in to swim as long as I was out at 9am when his team got there.  What a nice guy!  I told him I knew I wouldn't last a whole hour and promise to be out of there in time.

Swimming is a lot like riding a bike- you remember how to do it, it just requires muscles.  I was exhausted after just a few laps.  My arms hurt and my neck hurt from turning it to breath.  I swam for 25 minutes only and got out.  It was then that I saw this:

It would have been nice to know that there were dates that were closed, but I guess I lucked out since the coach let me swim anyway.  

I drove home happy that I got there and did it.  Now I just need to go more often!  My goal is to do a sprint triathlon this year.  I need to get in shape for each part of that though.  I can run (slowly), I can swim (slowly), and I can bike (not very far!) 

Today... well, with all the sad news I had to try really hard not to run to food for comfort.  While I did have some comfort foods, I do believe I stayed close to my daily calorie allowance.  I only had 500 calories by 4pm.  Then I had 3 frosted sugar cookies that were donated to my after school program.  When I got home I was working on making my daughter's cake pops for her 1/2 birthday tomorrow.  I had a few nibbles of chocolate that I am sure added up.  However, I think between the cookies and chocolate I maybe got 600-700 calories?  It's completely a guess, but I really don't think it was too horrible. Of course, I didn't eat "good" food, but I also didn't have 5000 calories like I would have in the past.

Tonight I walked with an incline of 6 on the TM at a 3.8mph for 2 miles.  Then I got on my bike trainer (which I think I finally got set up right) and rode for about 15 minutes.  I wish I had an odometer on it, but I don't yet.  It's on my list of "to buy" items.

Well, that's it for now.  This is pretty long anyway and I need to collect my thoughts before bed.  I'll be back soon!

A Rough End to the Week

Days 3 and 4 will be combined.  There has just been too much going on to write as much as I would like.  As mentioned, my grandma died on Tuesday and the showing was yesterday and the funeral was today.  I spent all day the funeral home Thursday and got home around 9:30pm.  This morning we were up at 7:30 to get ready to go to the funeral.  What long days!  I also found out that a member of my church who also attended many of my grad classes with me and was my age, passed away after a car accident.  Just very upsetting news.  He leaves behind a wife and two daughters.  :(

Enough with this sad news....  I really need to stay positive and remember that God has plans for us all.

Anyway, I wanted to mention that I stuck to my calorie allowance and my resolution for being active everyday on BOTH days!  Yay!  Thursday I got home and picked up my hand weights and did some strength moves.  I spent 20-30 minutes on this.  It was all I could get in, but I did get it in.  Today I did 3 miles on the treadmill.  Tomorrow I plan to go to lap swim at the local HS.

I promise more pictures and better posts in the near future.

Day 2- Staying on track

I've made it through day 2.  I still have about 200 more calories to eat, but honestly I'm not even that hungry.  I save a lot of my calories for the evening because I knew our dinner was going to be a decent amount, but I think I saved too many.

Sometimes it's strange to realize that those "hungry" feelings I thought I felt were not real.  I've not had many calories today and I'm just fine.  I also noticed that I have a hard time convincing myself that I don't need something because in my mind, I feel like I'm missing out on something.  It's like I have to tell myself that I only need one piece of pizza and that pizza will ALWAYS be around.  It's not like if I don't eat the whole large pizza that I will NEVER get pizza again.  I always feel like I have to eat it ALL because it is so good... but the truth is, I can have one piece and know that I will have pizza again some other day.  Man... I feel like a psycho admitting that, but I really have to remind myself of that every time I eat something I love.

I got 2.5 miles on the treadmill in today too.  I'd like to do more, but I don't tend to have a lot of time in the evenings.  I have to find a better way to get my activity in.

Tomorrow is another day!

Day 1

Ok, so day 1 is over.  Or, at least I am in bed and there will be no more eating.

I decided to make a resolution to be active every single day.  I alway wanted to have a running streak, but I just didn't feel like that was a good idea for me.  I could imagine myself getting hurt or over-doing it.  I decided that I could manage to be active each day.  I will run, walk, swim, bike, or do an exercise DVD each and every day.  If I run or walk, I need to do at least a mile.  If I swim or bike, it needs to be at least 20 minutes.  A DVD session needs to be 30 minutes or more.

Today I tried my new bike trainer.  I think it still needs some tweaking.  I don't know much about them, so I'm not even sure it's set up right.  My pedals seem to stick as I go around and I feel like I'm not pedaling smoothly.  I also need a riser for the front wheel.

After trying the trainer, I got on the 'mill and run just 2 miles.  It's been two weeks since my 1/2 and I want to start out carefully.  It was a very slow 2 miles, but I upped the incline a bit mid-way through and sprinted a few times.  I feel like it was a good start.

I did count every single calorie today and I was just under 1,300.  I had to derail my husband several times.  He promised to "diet" with me, but I'm sure his total was closer to 3000.  If I hadn't stepped in, it would have been 5000!  I don't know how he does it.  He doesn't gain nearly as easily as me.   Our kids wanted to go to our favorite restaurant, Olive Garden, but I managed to convince them that they could have soup and breadsticks at home.  I LOVE OG sticks. YUM!  There is no way I had enough willpower on day 1 to say no, so I'm glad we didn't go there!

I even manage to not stress eat today.  My grandma passed away this morning.  She had been in a nursing home for awhile and was taken to hospice just a few days ago.  She was 92 and it was her time.  Rest in Peace Grandma A.
 

Well... I'm ready to sleep and I hope to have some better posts for you soon.

Happy Jan 1st!

My Resolution

I resolve to be active every single day this year!