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Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Binge, Horrible Binge

So, I have been doing well for the most part.  I've been eating within 100 of my calorie count and I have done some sort of exercise every day.  Monday I walked 3.2 miles and ran 3.2 miles.  Tuesday I swam for an hour.  I weigh myself every day and I know some of you may think (or choose to tell me) that doing so is counterproductive.  I really can honestly say that no matter what you say, I will weigh every single day.  In fact, it's the first thing I think of when I wake up.  For the most part, I am excited to weigh myself because I love seeing the number go down.  When I work my butt off, I expect the numbers to be going down.

For the last 3 days, I have been working my butt off and eating well.  Each morning I have weighed myself and I have gained or stayed the same.  It's so frustrating.  I know all of the RIGHT things to tell myself.  I know weight can fluctuate within a few pounds for very little reason.  I know that sodium can make a difference, I know, I know, I know.  I just get so mad when I know I've done everything in my power to lose.   yesterday I had 4 cookies that I should have had because I just got to the end of the day and I was frustrated.  Then today.... well, I threw everything out the window.  I just decided that I couldn't do it another day.  I had.....

And probably a lot more.  At work today they had a dessert bar in the lounge for a teacher who just had a baby and I just ate and ate and ate.  Then when I got home, I ate an entire bag of mozzarella cheese sticks.  

I. Feel. Sick.

I MUST remember this feeling when I consider making this same decision next time.  I feel sick to my stomach.  I feel like throwing up everything I ate.  I don't know why I couldn't control myself.  I don't know why I did this to myself.  

Tomorrow is a NEW day.  Tonight I am done.  I'm done eating and I'm done making bad choices and I am moving forward.

I did manage to exercise for 45 minutes tonight.  I was going to run tonight, but I feel physically sick from eating, so I don't think I can.  I'm so mad at myself.  I will not do this again!!!


  1. Are you allowing yourself one cheat meal a week? It does help, so when you come across something, you can think to yourself "Is this worth my one cheat meal of the week, or do I want to save it for something else I would prefer to have" I have success with this.

    Nice to see another Ohio blogger, even though I am in CBus, I have family in Toledo, actually Maumee and my favorite half marathon is the Glasscity Marathon, held at UT, I will be up there again this year for that race

  2. I live about 30 minutes west of Toledo, but usually do long runs at the Toledo Metroparks (when it's warmer!!) and often shop in Toledo. I am signed up for the Glass City 1/2.

    I don't really take a "cheat" meal because any time I go off schedule, I spiral down and just keep eating. When counting my calories, I do eat things that aren't the best for me, but just count those calories. I have a really hard time eating something not within my calories and then just go right back to my plan. I tend to think, "well, I already messed up, I might as well just eat whatever for tonight....then I might as well just scrap it for the whole week....etc." It's something I need to mentally work on.

    Thanks for reading and commenting! I don't get many comments.